Disclaimer, I am not a professional life coach in any capacity. These are my own methods and experiences that I use to deal with my own anxieties and depressions. I hope you can find something here that is useful or helpful to you. As always thank you for reading.
Today I want to talk about a word, idea, action, and philosophy that has helped me immensely in life and my eternal pursuit of happiness. That word is gratitude. I consider gratitude an action as well because you choose when and when not to show gratitude. Gratitude to me is also an idea and a philosophy, because living a life of gratitude takes a bit of work and is as much of a passive mindset as it is an action.
Gratitude – The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
Not to go into too much details here, I’ve had depression and social anxieties since about middle school. I would get horrible test anxiety and I definitely had a bit of ADD. It’s not so much I had trouble focusing but it’s hard for me to sit still and I get bored easily. Throughout the end of middle school through high school, I dealt with some family traumas that I won’t go into here. Suffice to say, I had a fair amount of adult issues with trust, depression, drugs, addiction, and strange social anxieties.
Through out my 20s (2007 – 02017) I had a hard time in life. I was discovering what it meant to be an adult and I didn’t really have anything to my name that was worth shit. I felt out of place and I partied a lot as an identity. I definitely had hobbies and things to do to keep me entertained but as anyone with depressions and anxieties knows there are ups and downs. Drugs don’t help, they just exacerbate the mental problems and make things worse. On top of it all I got stuck into the life of selling substances to support my means.
This all basically fits into my first point on Gratitude. I am deeply grateful for all of the experiences that I have endured. Yes grateful for them. Those experiences have crafted me into the street smart and otherwise conscious individual that I am. I am thankful for the hard life lessons because they taught me better than having everything handed to me. Life was difficult but I am grateful for the difficulty.
I could have chosen to be angry and resentful. For a long time I was, and I did choose that path. I made life infinitely harder for myself when I was angry, or intoxicated. It takes more energy to be upset and angry, and it ultimately took a toll on my mental and physical health. Over 10 years, I went through a bunch of dead end jobs and just sold ganja and other substances for a living. It was about the age of 26 or 27, I made the conscious choice to be grateful instead of resentful. I made a choice to be thankful for all I had and for my opportunities, instead of continuing to let the past hold me back. I used to have the “must be nice attitude” and that was strait shitty. I would compare myself unfairly to others and not take into account all I was worth and have accomplished in life.
Gratitude broke me out of a rut so to speak. Once I started being more grateful and humble in my daily life it reverberated throughout every other aspect. I started getting into better relationships and receiving better work opportunities. It wasn’t all at once or like some miracle. It was gradual change over a couple years. It took effort and a conscious choice to get better, but it was powerful enough I could see, and could easily recognize the change. My life has been greatly impacted by increased gratitude.
It’s not easy to be grateful all of the time and gratitude can come in many different strengths. Simple to complex. I completely understand that life isn’t all peaches and cream all of the time. There are ups and downs for sure. I’m not here to tell you to not to get angry and frustrated, that is not realistic. Gratitude is a way to help deal with frustration and setbacks. There is no cure all for an over active mind, but there are tools you can learn and use that will help you regulate all of those thoughts and stressors.
Make Gratitude a Habit – To get started you have to make gratitude a habit. It’s easy for find things to be grateful for. I am grateful for my family. however messed up they are or once were, we love each other and have support for one another. Friends can definitely be considered family and of course animals. Everyday I am grateful for my dogs. I am grateful for my failures as as well as my accomplishment. Without failure and defeat you wouldn’t learn important life lessons. Example, I used to think I failed in my career pursuits and failed at being a good cook. In reality I was burned out and desperately needed change. I decided to be grateful for the opportunity, because doing something I didn’t love in my soul taught me what I really wanted to be doing. You have to follow your heart and intuition have gratitude because you are actually grateful not just to try to feel good. It took a leap of faith and change but I am infinitely happier than I was when I was slaving away in any restaurant. Grateful for the experiences but also grateful that I never have to do that work again unless I want to. I am grateful for my health and even my own positive outlook. You can be grateful about pretty much anything really. It’s just making the act of gratitude into a habit or philosophy even. The more grateful you become you start to realize that many of the trivial things you used to stress about don’t really have as much of an impact on your life as you once thought they did.
It isn’t always easy and of course I may seem all happy go lucky as you read this post, but I vent and get frustrated and upset just like any human. Trust me I have strong opinions and beliefs, and honestly gratitude has helped me temper my passion into something manageable in communicable instead of hostile and antagonistic. Here are some ways that you can start to build the habit of gratefulness, and start learning this philosophy.
Start small – Learn to be grateful for the little things in life that are a constant. Say it out loud, write it, post it on social media, or meditate on it. Whatever method you choose, put it out into the cosmos. Start by being grateful for your family or friends, your health, or your pets. A good job. A fun activity or hobby. certain foods or drinks, Anything. small or big. Everyone has something in their life that they can honestly say they enjoy if not love. Be grateful for that thing! Voice it. Be vocal about it. even if it’s just to yourself. Being happy and content in life starts and ends with your ability to be thankful for what you do have and not lust for the things we don’t. This is an everyday thing, and I know some days are way harder than others.
Exercise gratitude – Don’t compare yourself to others. instead of the feeling of “that must be nice” Train your mind to think a simple “good for them” or “that must be such an awesome feeling”. Again voice it! Be Vocal. This is training yourself to automatically think in terms of gratitude. When I see or hear of someone, especially friends or loved ones, doing something great I try to tell them that I am proud of them and that their work is inspiring or motivating. This usually gets a response of some kind and starts a positive line of thought / communication. This is both giving and receiving gratitude at the same time!
Build and Recognize gratitude – As I began to make gratitude into a habitual mind set I began to naturally dig into my own psyche. NOTE: I was in therapy for many years.. various therapists helped me learn tools of unpacking some of my own mental issues. I highly recommend therapy for anyone who may feel the need to express themselves to a neutral party. I always wrote in journals and stuff but talking to another human has a powerful effect on what we are willing to divulge and dive into. I began to unpack some of the things in my young adult life that had carried over. This all took a long time. Years of working through the issues. But I began to find that I was grateful for my experiences back then even if I could never have seen them at the time. This is discovery is more complex and is specific to the individual, and unfortunately it doesn’t happen quickly. This is more or less the goal of gratitude.
It is completely OK not to be grateful for things and situations in life. However, finding some gratitude for as much as you can is a powerful way to go about living. Life is not black and white and not everyone has the same experience. I understand that this philosophy won’t apply to everyone. I completely understand that there are things and events that happen in life that in no way deserve gratitude, respect, or even forgiveness. Every individual has to choose when and where and how they show gratitude. Gratitude is an action as much as it is a passive mindset.
I think I’ve basically given a good over view of the word and it’s functions and I encourage you to be grateful for the small things. Practice and build up your gratuity. It adds up and before you know it positivity and better opportunities will present themselves in your life. I takes time and the will power to change your habits and evolve as a human. This is not easy. But I believe in you and your ability to do anything you want in life. You deserve to be happy.
I hope this post helped someone one. I am just a human living in this crazy time and navigating this crazy world. I only want to share my methods and experiences to maybe help others. Feel free to reach out if you ever need a talk or vent. I will do my best to answer or respond. Much love and stay tuned for more if you like what you read.
Pax